I’m a true roller coaster of emotion today as we send our little boy out into the world of school for the first time.
Yes, it’s only preschool. Yes, it’s only for 3 hours 2 days a week. Yes, I took 37 pictures and am a slight basket case. But this is a pretty momentous occasion for our little family and our first born little buddy.
Lately I’ve been having a very rough time as a mom. Jay is a very spirited child which makes him hilarious and loving and smart. It also makes him defiant, stubborn and all out crazy sometimes. I love him more than anything but he can push me to the brink of my sanity in every possible way. It has gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t deal. I’ve been searching for a balance everywhere. Looking at going back to work, focusing on some kind of hobbies, or just straight up becoming an alcoholic. So far none of these options have really blossomed. But I am really getting to know my Pinot Noirs…
So I’ve been sort of guiltily looking forward to the “break” preschool is going to give me and the stimulation and structure it’s going to give Jay. There is no worse feeling in the world than the feeling of not being a good enough mom to your kids. And on top of that, getting to the point where you almost don’t care. I know I’ve got some of my own issues to work out in order to be able to fully embrace my role as a mom and to still maintain my own identity. I never realized how much not having a job would affect me and I’m trying to deal with that. But I’m hoping absence will make the heart grow fonder for both of us. I was so excited to pick Jay up and he was equally excited to see me and Hanna walk through the door. He is an amazing little boy. I just hope I can continue to be the mom he needs me to be. I think preschool will be a good first step in getting back to that place. 🙂